Dog Name Database Finally Proves Bernie Would’ve Won

New York City ’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene has unfreeze this year’smap of popular dog namesbased on lawfully required adjustment . It ’s an yearly tradition to encourage people to register their dogs . But it also has an amazing way of solving debates . Debates like whether or not Bernie would ’ve won . He would have , it turns out . And there ’s so much more to learn .

you’re able to count to data nerdslike Nate Silverto give you statistical information about such thing , or you’re able to look to NYC ’s dog-iron database and see how democratic certain dog name were vs. other pawl names . We have it off now that Silver wastotally wrongabout the election just like everyone else , so why would we trust those experts ? Let ’s settle the Bernie debate and so many others withthe only datum anyone needs .

Bernie vs. Hillary: Bernie

Bernie slays , rise once and for all that the Democratic Primary was rigged .

Trump vs. Cruz: Tie

Nobody constitute their dog Kasich , so we have to go with ole ’ Lyin ’ Ted . Looks like there ’s no scandal here , people were burst on the Republican Primary . The only failure is the American hoi polloi .

Bernie vs. Trump: Bernie

It ’s settled , he would ’ve won .

Dog vs. Cat: Dog

Now we know , bounder are better than cats .

Bill vs. Steve: Bill

After all this time , Bill ’s still winning .

Skywalker vs. Vader: Vader

It is pointless to protest , my Logos .

Mario vs. Sonic: Mario

Sonic may have the rooter art scene on lockdown , but Mario is still the king .

Jesus vs. Satan: Jesus

Better luck next time , Satan .

Facebook vs. Instagram: Tie

Zuckerberg does n’t care .

So , we would n’t have any of this enlightening information without the glory of crowdsourcing . allow us have intercourse what matchups the NYC dog-iron name database resolved for you . Seriously , you’ll be amazed at what mass name their dogs . The only rule is that you accept it as an empirical fact — the American people have spoken .

Correction : A previous interlingual rendition of this article indicated that only 2 dogs were key out Hillary , in fact , six dogs were named Hillary . We repent the error .

Argentina’s President Javier Milei (left) and Robert F. Kennedy Jr., holding a chainsaw in a photo posted to Kennedy’s X account on May 27. 2025.