‘ Twas the night before Announcement Day , when all through the house , families turned on their iMacs and began clicking their mouses ; The turtlenecks folded by the chimney with preciseness , in hopes that St. Jobs would emerge as a vision . The children stared at iPads , bathe in dark light , and all gathered ‘ round of drinks to perform the iRites :
1 . Iron and fold your sacrificial opprobrious turtle .
2 . maledict a film ofMike Daisey .
3 . Watch the 1984 commercial 1,984 times .
4 . Abstain from onanism to extract gratitude to Apple forfreeing you from porn .
5 . Write a thank you tease to a Foxconn employee .
6 . Leave out a liter ofMountain Dewand a plate of free energy bars for Tim Cook .
7 . Finger yourheadphone jack .
8 . If you dare , say “ apl.de.ap ” in the mirror three times .
9 . Read the iTunes price and conditions aloud to your Apple family mathematical product .
10 . build up a birth scene showing the birth of the iPhone .
https://gizmodo.com/tim-cook-saw-an-iphone-in-a-17th-century-painting-heres-1778653171
11 . splay a U2 Album in the letter box of everyone on your block .
12 . Conjure Jeb .
https://vine.co/v/erX66WYXx6p/embed/simple
13 . Think different .
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